the thing is...

i dont know if i can get used to it.
im trying so hard but with no success whatsoever!
its just getting crazy. i am constantly feeling the tension in my body. checking the phone, icq, fb... all the fucking time!! i should get some therapy.
i really want him to write me something. it can be whatever. i just need to talk to him.
all this has been killing me. very very slowly and the pain has finally overwhelmed me. i cannot function anymore.
of course im trying to act like a happy and content person but what is it good for? i mean...
why couldnt i be depressed? why couldnt i be in a desperate state of mind?
great, im a loser.
friday was his birthday. and i knew that even tho we dont talk i i should write him no matter what. i was thinking bout the dilemma the entire day... i finally decided to undertake the responsibility for writing him in the late evening. to be honest, i really wanted him to answer, but hoped he wouldnt do it.
because i was hundred percent sure it would do no good.
and i was right
you know what was his answer? thank you, i think of you more than you can imagine.
i mean, WTF? who does that?
of course this would be a great message if we didnt have this issue we do. im trying so fucking bad to get over it, well not actually over it cuz thats impossible, but at least pull myself together. stop crying, stop thinking bout him every single minute, stop checking if hes online, and of course stop going over every fucking moment we  have spent together.
i miss him so much.
i didnt know what to write back, so i didnt.
and when i came home there was a message on icq waitng for me. and it said: i just had to write it.
what are you supposed to reply?
i havent think of anythin better than: and i just didnt know what to write back.
and ever since... i havent heard from him.
i hate this. really loathe.
its been three weeks and four days. i know this for certain and dont even need a calendar.
isnt it long enough?
how much longer am i supposed to wait?
actually... does he want me to wait for him anymore?
why dont you fucking tell me what i mean to you and if you are planning on having me in your life in the future.
gee. i have touched the bottom. kind of hard.
i am a broken man.
and still want to be with him.
cannot supress the feeling i get everytime i think of him.
please, come to me and give me a hug.
a long comforting hug.
and i will loosen up. no tears, no pain, no despair.
PLEASE.