i do not understand

not at all.
i was quite sure we could have solved it.
as normal human beings.
why is he doing this?
i probably need to get over it.
it doesnt seem worth it.
why did i let him get me into it?
i cannot go on.
his actions are pretty much clear...
even tho i still believe in some hope.
i should act rationally.
why does he always act like a coward?
it makes me mad.
and sad.
depressed!

and headaches been bothering me for more than two weeks.
i feel like my heads gonna explode.
its so painful.
and i have no idea what else to do than take pills.
however i try to take as little as possible, cuz i know very well it loses its effect over some period of time.

gosh, i should cut my hands or legs off... i drove there again today,
covinced i would go to the fucking entrance,
ring the bell and
talk to him.
...
his car wasnt there.

why doesnt he talk to me anymore?
what was the fucking purpose of all this?
why did he bother to write me in the first place?
if he hasnt replied until now when will he?
will he ever?
fuck.
i still cannot get him out of my mind.
its like a nightmare.

and im sooo stupid.
thats what its about.

im done with school for this year. which is great.
but next semester is going to be quite difficult.
not to mention i still have some exams to do in january.
actually,
the school is the only thing i got now.
except work.
great,
sounds attractive.

kill me now.
duh, shoot me in my head.
at least i wont think about him.