today he made it clear

i feel like a whore... that was not good enough for him.
he did sleep with me and then ditched me.
why would he ever make me believe i was wanted..
how could he..
why would he do that to me?
he knew it would destroy me if he refused me again...
i cannot believe he didnt hesitate.
he killed me.
he said go. and dont bother me ever again.
you have to move on. on your own. i cannot help you.
i dont want you anymore.

he also said we would work on it. but after he woke up he had a different opinion.
he didnt want to work on anything.
not with me.

i do not understand.
why did he say all those things before...
and then acted like that?

why did he write me again if he didnt want us to fix it?
to humiliate me?
to break me into pieces?
to make fun of me?
is that what he wanted?

if he loved me, he would never leave me.
he would do anything.
he would fight till the end.

but he did not.
and i cannot get over it.
i cannot stop loving him.

and i miss lara so much. i saw her after how many.. six months? nothings changed.
she stayed as beautiful as ive known her.

i hate myself for being stupid... so naive...
for trusting him.