desolation

how long can one go without food?
a week? two weeks? a month?
we shall see.
very soon.
i am dying.

i seriously cannot go on. this was the worst thing that could have happened.
why..
that is whats rushing through my head all the time.
why would he..
i cannot get rid of it.
and the pain is unbearable.
its not just mental.
its physical. it is.
like thousands of knives stabbing me. every second.

please.
dont do this to me.
dont.

why would i be so stupid to think he would come back?
it coud be us again.
it could.
but i am not wanted at all.
and its killing me.

after what happened...
i so wanted it.
and when it happened i thought we would make it.
that he wants to.

i love him too much.
and he thinks its too late.
i thought it never was.
never will be.

for me.
not for him.

i do not believe.